new years resolution. advice and support much needed.

[melissa]

so new years is tomorrow, well..today. but whatever. and apparently you're supposed to make a resolution. i've never made one, but this year its about time to actually make a change. i've chosen my resolution to be something that is quite cheesy, and laughable. but i'm serious in that my resolution is to use this year to make a better me. this has loads of aspects, but needs explanation first.

 

people here that know me, know that i don't like me. but you may also know that i dont have many friends IRL, and thus choose to come to bolt frequently :) thats where the name of this post comes in..that i need advice, and support, since i can't find it anywhere else. lame, yes. true, yes. please? kthanks.

 

noooow for the list of things that fall into this 'better me' category.

1. people step all over me. my roommate, boys, friends, my family..i always just sit back and let things happen, which leads to people taking advantage of me (with a dirty mind that sounds funny..anyway though..) now i want to stand up for myself, but i dont know how to do it without being a bitch. halp!

2. i'm a fatty. we all know this..even those of you that try to make me feel better and say 'aw no you're not' or 'no you arent..i am!'..then you're smaller then me and make me seem like a beached whale. i dont go work out because i dont have anyone to go with because all my friends are skinny and dont need to work out. i've recently picked up some unhealthy habits, and need to do something else before this habit gets out of control. the only exercise i do is walk to work and school..but thats not working. so again..halp!

3. i'm unhappy. i've had depression for a while now, but i'm determined to beat it. i dont have much confidence at all. now because i don't like talking about it..just halp! lol 

4. i'm not good with boys. never had a boyfriend, never been on a date. i tend to reject anything with relationships, and have already planned out my life as a single adopting person. which is fine with me. sometimes i want to change this, but i'm not sure. recommendations as to which way to go and other advice is much needed. haaalp!

5. i tend to be a bitch. i say whats on my mind..but not enough because people still walk all over me. but people tell me that i'm mostly just a bitch. call me out people, let me know when i'm being a bitch, so i know what i'm doing wrong. halp again.

6. i smoke like a mf chimney. how do i quit?! cold turkey is a no go, and everytime i've tried to quit..once i drink, i have to smoke :\ help. (woah i switched it up on ya)

 

i guess i'll have to add more as i think. its three in the morning and i cant think much more then this.

 

but i for reals need your advice and support, so even if its something little. help me out, yo!

<3