I wanted to tell you this...

[Cassidy Joerger]

He made me feel like I was the only girl alive, like I had something to live for, for 3 years he made me feel like he was the only one for me. I almost lost my virginity to him. He was my everything and then some. He was everything I couldve asked for. He was good with kids, he was caring, helpful, trustful, and funny.(: I didnt know how I got so lucky.

 

I remember it was a Wednesday. We were in 5th grade. I was at my friends locker talking and his locker was right next to hers. I looked right in his eyes and I didnt know I wouldve felt like this. He first dated my friend, one day changed everything I ever knew about guys in this town.

 

After his girl left, we hung around the park for a little bit. Awhh, this little girl kept talking to us and he had the decsion to get up and let her through but no he got closer to me. Thats when I knew me and him had a spark. I feel like smiling just thinking about him. He made everything complicated but yet so clear.

 

We tried for a year and half to make it work dating but no. I thought we would date a 4th time when I came home from my dads. But I found out he had a girlfriend. That didnt change anything between us. We were still attracted to each other. Most people would call it Lust, but I really think it was Love. He said things that made me smile. After months of being just acctracted to each other. We would get up the courage to tell each other what we have been waiting to hear for 2 years. I knew things with him were different then the rest of the times we had been alone in his room. One night changed us. Changed the way we look at each other, The way we want each other. One night I got the courage to do something that I have never done with a guy.

 

He had been my everything for 2 in a half years. I remember being in his room alone. That night changed us changed the way we were. Yeah I guess you could say what we were doing was friends with benifits but I didnt know I was only 12. We started making out. Then one thing led to another and he stuck my hand down his pants. I went home at like 8, watched Amercian Idol, then I took a shower. I could barely do it. Make it through the shower that is. I felt so violated. I mean I wanted it to happen but I mean it was my first time doing anything like that with him.

 

 I felt like he knew what he was doing. That lasted 2 years being friends with benefits. He was so sweet and I never wanted the feelings for him to go away and I knew this guy was different. I mean I prented we were dating. But other times I feel like all he did was reject me. I love him to Heaven and Back. I have to believe he was my first love. The first guy that really had feelings like this for. He quickly became everything to me. Until one day I moved out of my house, I mean we were still friends with benefits with eachother. Because still to this day whenever I go over there things happen and a fire runs through me.

 

Its been 4 years since we started being a thing, we started being close, he started being my best friends. I love him and I still love him and I never wanna lose this boy in my life even if we are just friends with benefits. I love him so much and he was my first love.

 

xxx, Cass