I still love you even though i dont show....

[Cassidy Joerger]

He makes me feel crazy why? I know because he doesn't realize that i like him, and I can't get him off my mind. But, oh well i guess. I just wish he would look at me like he looks at her. I've noticed he lets her do things to him that he told me made him feel uncomfortable. He let her wear his jacket, how come he never asked me? I wonder everyday what she has that I don't? Better looks, better personality, is she more his type, he gets to see her more? What is it, just let me in on the secret?

 

 

I tell myself everyday that guys aren't worth my tears, he's just a waste of time. But my heart just doesn't seem to get that. I tell everyone that im over him, so maybe it could get back to him somehow, and he realizes that I don't care anymore. But no one looks into my eyes, because if they did, they would all see that im lieing. I wanna be over him but its not that easy. Every guy that likes me asks me what does he have that I dont? I just say well everything and then some. I just wanna be with him.

 

 

But its funny how he looks at me one way, and i look at him the complete opposite. He just looks at me as a friend. If that, i cant tell anymore. I wanna be with him. He can't see me the way i see him. If anyone would look into my eyes they could see I'm not over him. Maybe i like the heartbreak. I think my heart just doesn't wanna give up because, it knows if it gives up, he'll start to like me again. Yeah I said again, because he even told me that he liked me like that. How could he loose feelings for me that fast? Well i have liked guys for like a day then get over them. I thought he was gonna be that guy. But its going on 8 months since that day I saw him in the courtyard hanging with his best guy friend. Feelings came and went for him. I never knew when he was gonna come sneaking back into my heart. I wanted to put my guard up but i didn't know how with him. How could I like someone that all he does is break my heart and makes me feel like im the one that crazy?

 

 

We slowly became friends, slowly but surely. I wanted him to know how I feel, but I felt like all he did is shut me out. Because, some days he acted like I was his girl, then other days he just acted like I was just another girl in his grade. No one knows the things I told him. It just sucks because, he told me things too.

 

 

Then Christmas Break came, some how, some way I got over him, maybe it was the boyfriend. After me and him broke up, he wasn't even on my brain. But the two weeks were up and I saw him at the end off the day, the feelings came back, I guess they never left. He gave me a hug, one that I will never forget. That sounds so chessey but so true.

 

 

Like I told my friend we are in the wrong time and wrong place. Im feeling things for him that a typical fourteen year old girl doesn't feel for a guy. I feel like I'm 25, well my heart anyway.

 

 

How come I never have the courage to talk to him in the hallway or even at lunch? I thought that was my last chance to tell him what I've been holding in since September. But ever since then he avoids me or just simply ignores me. Not even a simple little wave anymore. I miss the way he looked at me with his perfect brown eyes, not even a glance anymore.

 

 

 

Why do I have to cry for him every night? Why do I feel like my days arent complete without seeing his lovely face? Just tell me? Why is God making me feel like I cant live without him? I wish it was easy. I wish I didnt have to worry if I wasn't gonna see him that day. I just wanna be over him. I guess it's easier said then done.

 

 

I had plans for us. I had plans for this summer with him. But those plans went out the window, when I saw her with his jacket on. I never understood how one minute he's acting like were friends, then the next i dont even exist. Does he see me freaking out everytime I see him? Does he notice me stairing at him?

 

 

My feelings for him is more real then i've ever felt. I feel like when I'm crying I wanna cuddle up in his arms. When i have the dreams about us. Feelings grow. I swear he set a wildfire on my heart that wont let up. Loving him hurts. Everything about him makes me crazy. Every move he makes, makes my heart skip a beat. I'm suprised I'm still living. Just because, he makes me feel things ive never felt.

 

 

I hope some way, some how this spring break I find someone not like him(I did) and forget about what we had. If we even had anything. Sometimes I get so frustrated with him, never mad just agrrivated and frustrated, becuase he looks right through me. But I swear somedays he looks right in my eyes. I feel he caught my soul on fire. Why is that? Why'd he have to catch me? I didn't even wanna fall for him. I didn't wanna fall for anyone this school year. Opps.

 

 

I wanna be able to tell my kids i married my first love, if he is. I don't know. Just becuase, I had a neighbor before I moved there that well my every first expect kiss was with him. But you both know Im a virgin so thats one first I wanna be with him.

 

 

What happened to the boy I feel in love with? What happened to that boy? I want him back. Is that to much to ask. I remember the days I would run into him because, that was our joke. He's just so tall. Or I'm just that short. Do I still give him what he needs? Or did I ever? I wanna know. I wanna know what happened. Ever since like Valentines day no even before that, he's acted like I was just another girl.

 

 

It upsets me to see other girls wearing his hoddie or his jacket. I wanna be that girl.

 

 

I hope you like it it was my blog on here and I hope this gives girls the courge to tell the guy they love that she loves them because sometimes it might be too late like I was.

[Cassidy Joerger]

thanks naldine, isaah its not like I wanted to like him trust me... and melz I read it and your hes not worth it but i guess im starting to get over him maybe a little, I know you love me thats why your mean to me.

[Naldine]

I felt like this over a guy and it lasted for nearly 10 years. you need to tell him how you feel, so he can tell you how he feels about you, and you can know, so you can either move on, or do something bout it. But dont be like me and keep being friends with a guy you really like that much, it hurts too much x