I need help

[NightHawk]

Here's my situation: I'm in my 5th and final year of my undergraduate degree: Secondary Social Studies Education. I'm well concentrated in psychology, economics and government and I'm very close to a minor in psychology (just 2 more classes, one class is a prerequisite to the other). I'm student-teaching right now and I really want to finish my degree.

 

Here's where I need help: I'm not sure I want to teach anymore. I'm not liking my teaching experience much at all. It could very well relate to the relationship I have with one of my two cooperating teachers: her standards are high (as they should be) but she only uses negative criticisms and makes me feel like I can't have my own teaching style in her classroom. Now I'm really confident once I'm in the classroom. I have no problems interacting with high school students. I'm very knowledgable about what I'm teaching and I like to think I'm good at explaining concepts. The problem with my teaching is that I'm not entirely creative; a major weakness of mine. I've tried to work on this but I end up spending most of my time drawing blanks.

 

I'm seriously considering doing something entirely different once I get my degree. Student teaching has taught me that between doing that and working at my part-time job, I have almost no time for stuff I actually enjoy. I love playing chess and treating it like a school subject itself. I coach it (although at the elementary school level, for a minimal time period) and I like doing that. I barely play anymore and it's my only serious hobby. I'm not happy with my life right now; at all. It doesn't help that my gf (of 3 years) is not understanding of this situation i'm in.

Her situation is: she wants to move out (I agree that she needs to get out the house) but can't afford to do so on her own. We couldn't afford a comfortable place now together. She's worried about how my dilemma affects the relationship in the future. She wants us to move in together within the year. It's possible to move in with some friends of mine (who have already offered) but I have my own committal issues there. She's told me that If I don't find a way to make myself stable after some point in time, she's going to move on.... but yet, she doesn't want to "put me under pressure" (wtf does she think she's doing then!?) I understand why she says and feels the way she does - we've been together for 3 years... but I can't talk to her about this. Hence, I blog on here. It's kind of heartbreaking to me that she's absolutely no help to me whatsoever regarding this.

 

One of my plans is to get into substitute teaching and stay at my part-time job in the fall. However, I know I can't do that forever. I have no clue what I want to do with my life anymore. I'm pretty sure I don't want to actually teach.. I don't feel I have the skill in planning. I spend as much time sitting around trying to avoid planning as i do actually planning; and I can't do that. However, I must keep my chess hobby to keep my sanity and I love to play competitively.

 

What are my other options? I could just stick it out, get into teaching somehow, and see what happens. Another is to try to get myself promoted at my grocery store job and stay within the company (i'm not sure if I'd like that either, or if I get the same competitive chess freedoms that teaching would give me). I have dabbled in thought of getting into law school.. i particularly like law, but it's competitive as all hell from a job perspective (so is teaching, and nothing will help me stand out as a teacher).

 

I've thought about other drastic things... maybe I need to totally change my life. I don't like my physical shape; perhaps I should allow myself into the armed forces. A lot of my friends and even people I grew up with have joined the Army. It would certainly solve my procrastination problem (one problem: i don't take yelling well. I probably won't join the armed forces). I could look for careers in chess; that seems logical. It is also impractical. I may look into it, but I may have a better shot with law.

 

I could go on and on about how much I just wish my life was different somehow.. like if I had an actual skill or something. I'm half-assed in every way and I would like to avoid needing to ascertain a 2nd undergraduate degree. But I'll cut my blog for now.

 

Any ideas?? I would love some honest feedback.