I hope I don't get arrested for conspiracy to murder...Will I?

[Chester]

A spammer from the Ivory Coast wrote to me.

It was from a woman called Kaylat. Her dad had died recently. He was poisoned. He was wealthy. Before he died, he phoned Kaylat and told her it was her Russian uncle who had poisoned him in order to inherit his money. Kaylat's father told her to run away and keep his money in a safe place before her uncle gets her too. She asked to live with me so she needed my address...Also she asked for my bank details so that she can transfer the money.

I replied to Kaylat.

Dear Kaylat,

I was very morally upset to read your letter and I want to help you.
Do you have crisps in the Ivory Coast? Over here we have crisps - but we also have raisins - which I enjoy eating. Have you been to the cinema? I saw The Dark Knight. I liked the bit when they made a woman on their computer and it helped them be better at dating. I think if every film could be like Weird Science then things would be a lot different in Russia. I am sad that the Russians make your life unhappy. Your uncle sounds like a wicked man.

I am going to go to the shops on Tuesday. You'll never believe what happened though in Uncle Buck - John Candy cooked a pancake the size of a frisbee. Mind you.....you give or take a little according to Bette Midler in Beaches...

What can we do to help though? This is very important and I want you to listen to me closely - I think I would like to kill your uncle. Would you like me to kill your uncle? I can promise you that i could put a bullet in his head...

Let's kill your uncle. I would very much like to put a bullet in his head. I have a spade. I am very glad you wrote to me cos I think we should murder your uncle. I am glad you trusted me and wrote to me about murdering your uncle. But I think we should be very quiet about it though and not tell anyone.

Here is the bank I belong to: it is called the HSBC. They have cash machines on the street where I can get out the money.

Do you need any more? I think I would like to give you my address.

Remember - we mustn't tell anyone cos we are murderers now and we must be very secretive. What is the best way for me to give you my money so that I can murder your uncle?

I promise you that I will put him deep into a grave that he will never come from again - then we will have all the money and we will be happy - just like the dream you mentioned you had like in the Shawshank Redemption.

I think you are right - we have to get busy living - or get busy dying.

I am going to cut your uncle's head off and make him eat it.

Thank you,

Scott.

[Chester]

Lol, thanks! I'm currently writing a letter to the Ku Klux Klan. I should post it. (I'm not a supporter, btw)

[Chester]

AGREED! Marriage it is. :) x

[Chester]

Hahaha! I do that too on other peoples!

I realise only 3 people commented incidentally, it seemed like I was addressing masses of people.
"Friends, Romans and countrymen.." kind of shit.

[SirReal Killer]

Or none of us really have a life so we snoop on what others say once the comment total goes up....

god damn it i need a job. =/

[Chester]

Thanks nice people! I thought long and hard about whether to comment to you on here...Is it weird to comment on your own blog? It might be weird....

I was gonna comment you all individually on your walls, but that's probably geeky.

Also what if none of you even read this? Then it's like I didn't even respond at all...I feel like I'm rambling...

[SirReal Killer]

The Chinese govt and/or Russian Mafia should really dig your story. Nice one.