the laughter is gone

sitting here on my bed thinking of you. knowing that you are gone opens wounds once closed. like pouring salt into them when i here your name. holding on to fleeting memories of us together crying out the reflection of pain. i hope for the best yet expect the worst. i know that we are apart and i can't fix it now. i wish that you could see the fear in my eyes as i think of whats to come. if you could you would know the laughter is gone. yeah i smile and joke but nothing is funny when you are not here to share my life with me. i feel like my heart is torn from my chest and though it goes on beating each beat bring a stabbing pain in my chest where you reside. the memory of you kills me knowing that i can't touch your handsome face. i pray that some day you will see i have loved you all along and that i always will. you are my oxygen my water my one reason to keep breathing though breathing alone is a fight i don't want to continue. i crave those sweet almond eyes hazel and big staring at me with all the love in the world. i wonder if you could ever learn to forgive me my ignorance and give me a second chance to show i can be the one to guide you and show about life. to be your teacher and your best friend your confidant and your shoulder. i want so much for you and need you to be strong. for even though i am gone from you now my heart and mind is always with you.