UGH!:I Dont Care About Your Damn Kids Lady!

SSSSO! Im at the corner store getting a pack of gum, an Arizona Tea, and a pack of cowboy killers. Simple in-and-out task correct? WRONG!

Here's the set up:

1 person in the front

a lady infront of me

me

and 2 or 3 people behind me

So the clerk is checking out the 1st person and some bitch walks in the store holding a baby. (Im sure she's a very nice girl, but she's the reason for this whole situation breaking our in the first place. So she shall be named Bitch) The lady infront of me turns around holding panty liners, vag powder, danish butter cookies, lube, and post-its, and says to me

"[SIGH] Aren't babies just the greastest?"

Not giving me time to respond she blurts out

"I have 5 of my own. ACTUALLY, you know what? Hold this for just ooooooone second please."

She hands me the cookies and vag powder, and starts digging around in her beach bag of a fuckin purse. Lady we're in downtown houston 45 MINUTES away from the beach, what the hell are you doing? If she was wearing beach attire i would have been like

-Oooooh ok, she's clearly on her way to/coming back from the beach. Case closed.

But that wasnt the case. Acid washed '91 jeans yanked up from her awkward camel toe to her 53 year old tripple D tits, a shirt with a bunch of kittens on it that read 'Lazy Funday', no bra, and some old school Riddells with halloween stickers on them.

Why the stickers? My guess is that she just couldnt leave well enough alone, thats why.

Sadly at this point I still haven't said anything thing.

You know when you see something TOO awesome starring you in the face, and your minds only Idle strategy is to crinkle the mid section of your face while you're trying to figure out what's going on with that said situation? That's what's happening to me right now as im holding this ladies vag product and cookies. Post-its and cookies werent an option i guess.

"Here we aaarrre!"

I dont know what i did to make this lady think that i cared about her sticky fingered children enough for her to pull out pictures of them, or at all for that matter because I still had that look on my face.

Now at this point the 1st person picked up his bag and left the line...so this bitch is holding up the line and since shes shining her butter lathered teeth in my direction it looks like I'm condoning it.

"This is Alaaannn, he's the oldeeessst. And this is the baby of the family Alana. See my husband and I thought it'd be cute to name the oldest and the baby with a similar name, get it? Alana is just Alan with an "A" at the end. See what we did there?"

-BITCH, they're ugly. All of them. You mean to tell me that we're holding up this line right now because you wanted to show me a picture of your 5 life size comodo dragons aged from 7-19? And I say WE because you dragged me into this. Put those ugly pictures of your ugly children that no one hinted at in the first place, back in your Barney Bag. If i were that bitch I'd be a little offended that you'd compare golbins to my first born. Then I'd come after you with one of the mini umbrellas that sit next to the door that are on sale for $6. And you know what crazy lady? Even though you're making me look like an asshole infront of all these people behind me right now, I'd have your back if that bitch did. Because by not even looking at your whole outfit, but just buy reading the shirt, she should have seen that attacking you would be equivalent to sodomizing the rain man, minus the "Lenny strength".

Thats what I WANTED to say.

But instead what came out was "AWWWW. The lines moving. Here's your vag...ina powder."

"On second thought i dont think im going to get that. They didnt have the scent i wanted, can you just set that somewhere?"

bitch.