Thousands of years ago before the dawn of man as we knew him.. The internet was wooden...

and there was Sir Santa of Claus: an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of wood and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so-called "toys" were burned as witches and defecated upon and hurled at predators who were awoken by the searing grunts of children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year; for many were killed!

Rules of Wood Club
1. You do not talk about WOOD CLUB
2. You DO NOT talk about WOOD CLUB
3. No open flames
4. No soft woods such as pine, fir or yew, also no Tiger Woods.
5. No termites