Wrong

Imagine a person with some sort of cliche and obvious character flaws. Ridiculously annoying, douchebag, a moron. All of the above, whatever. You get the vague picture. Now take one of your good friends and assume that the two of them hang out all the time. I am sure people have been in this situation before. And the douche, right? He isn't annoying just to you, this isn't some sort of bias personal opinion. A lot of people don't like him, so you know it's not just you being anal.

 

Now the question is, what does that mean? Should you judge your friend for that? Does that mean that by extension your friend isn't all that great either? Is this a sign of some character flaws in your friend that you don't normally see? I run into this all the time, and it annoys me. I pick my friends carefully, but they don't. I don't know what to think of it.

[Kayra Jordyn]

Honey, I've been asking myself these questions since someone I love "picked" one of those guys to accidentally impregnate her. Actually, more like since she started dating. I think it's different with dating, though. I think sometimes we date at the level of our self esteem. That is to say, if I thought I didn't deserve, wouldn't really be wanted by or even couldn't attract a good, healthy man, I might go with whoever's available and interested...

...Aaand once again bringing the conversation back to what's consuming my thoughts.

As much as dating decisions can be very different from friendship decisions, the question still stands. Why did they pick them, and what does it mean about them. Though the answers as you've said could be very different from friendship decisions.

I never thought of it this way, it always seemed normal to me. But after I read what you said it made me look back to my relationship decisions and I have definitely never went for people I didn't think I deserved.

Is that wrong though? I think that's only fair. I know my flaws, and I don't want people better than me to be subjected to them. And so it seems almost heh... polite to pick someone the same or worse.

[Kayra Jordyn]

My oh my, there's something so wrong about this thread nobody wants anything to do with it. You posted another "killer" discussion, Arse(n). =P Or did I kill the forum? I WAS the last to post...

I ran off right after posting for about a week, and any thread needs some TLC from the maker to keep it going. Thanks for bumping.

[23d2stpiuv9yi]

I think a person being friends with someone who obviously is a tool can mean a lot of different things about their personality. I think the type of character flaws the douche possesses would be more telling of the type of person the friend is. Is the douche incredibly cocky? Maybe the friend lack self confidence and the fact that this confident person likes them makes them feel better about themselves. Is the douche rude? Maybe your friend is quiet and revels in the fact that this person tells people exactly what they think. Is the douche a mooch? Maybe your friend's just a pushover and lets people walk all over them. The qualities we pick in our friends directly correlate to the things we want in our lives. I'm not friends with people who are rude because I want a low key life with no fights or insanity, but other people thrive on that sort of thing. Character flaws in our friends can remind us of who we don't want to be as well, so that could always be a reason. I'm just the sort of person who would assume that a friend being friends with a jerk is because they're either nice or lacking something, not because they're also an asshole.

Thank you, that is a really good answer. I don't know if you are right and if that's really the way it works in their mind, but I haven't considered this. I think I will now watch for this kind of... dependency in these friendships and see if that's the reasoning about them. It's a very interesting way of seeing it.

[Heywood Jablome]

Question: does he secretly have a really big dong?

I doubt it, no one with a big dong would be such a glaring douche. They'd have that silent confidence going for them.

[isaah06]

Maybe they are saying the same thing about you...

Maybe its actually you who is the douche but you're too dumb to realize it...

I applaud you, your ability to be consistently irrelevant is amazing. I assume you put purposeful effort into it. I will bite gladly, who else would you play with.

Obviously the chances of them saying the same thing about me and considering me the douche are pretty high. That's the way it works when two people, or groups of people dislike each other, doesn't it?

At the very least people tend to pick up on dislike and dislike you in return just for that.

And this is irrelevant because it doesn't impact the point of the thread in any way. If it makes you happy, assume I am the douche and they are wondering the same thing about our mutual friends. Does change the question.

[Kayra Jordyn]

Perhaps he's a very good judge of character.