Open relationships

[Amanda]

What is everyone's thoughts on open relationships? I personally have never been in one, but have been with two guys that are in one. I think it takes quite a bit of trust and maturity. Both guys I've been with that are in open relationships have really cool girlfriends and I can see them both being really cool about it. One thing I've noticed with both is just being completely open and honest about who you're with. Do you think there are rules and boundaries to open relationships and what should they be?

[PhonyMcRingRing]

I think it's fine. Monogamy doesn't seem to come easy or be natural for the overwhelming majority of people, and the idea that men should be monogamous is quite a new idea. Monogamy used to be just for women, so that men could be sure they where the father of their children. Monogamy is a sexist construct. should there be rules? sure, but they have to be negotiated on a case-by-case basis by each couple based on what works for them.

[Chris James]

I've noticed that all the women in open relationship are relatively unattractive. I wonder if their relative unattractiveness has anything to do with their acceptance of this kind of emotionally abusive lifestyle.

[PhonyMcRingRing]

Quite a bold claim.
How is an open relationship emotionally abusive?
Is it possible for a man to be emotionally abused by an open relationship?

[shane d benz]

With the way people are and how relationships have went. Being in a committed relationship isnt the norm anymore.

I personally dont see the point in being in a relationship, if you want to be with others and sleep around. I think it contridicts what a romantical relationship is, a commitment between two people.

[Chris James]

"With the way people are and how relationships have went. Being in a committed relationship isnt the norm anymore."


Got any actual data to back up that claim?

[shane d benz]

I didnt claim it was fact.

Although, most relationships cant get past the romantical phase, and one of the biggest reasons that relationships end is because of infidelity/trust issues.

There are two types of people in this world, the ones that value sex over love, and those who value love over sex. Now i understand that they can very much love a person and be very sexual. But if you truely love a person, sex isnt as important as being with the person.

[Chris James]

Again, you speak in absolutes that simply aren't true. Are are more than 2 kinds of people in this world. Many, many more. The human range of emotions is far more vast than the over simplified version you attempt to give above.

[shane d benz]

No, there are two types of people when it comes to sex and love in this world. The ones who cheat vrs the ones who dont. If there is a shade of grey, i d sure like to hear it.

[PhonyMcRingRing]

Of course there are shades of gray. Human beings aren't really ment to be monogamous. It's really really hard for us. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try, but we also shouldn't make promises we know we cant keep. Some scenarios where cheating is a little gray:

-without having premarital sex to establish this fact before the wedding, you marry someone who has a significantly lower sex drive than you. So low as to be virtually non-existent. Contemplating the next 70 years celibate is unacceptable. Visiting a conveniently located and economically priced sex worker prevents your divorce.

-as above, but the reason your wife has no sex drive is because she has cancer. she is undergoing chemo and radio therapy, and it is a long, hard, emotionally fraught slog. And the thing that makes it possible for you to stay by her and support her through it, is something as small as sexual release.

-What if you're both enlightened, realize that monogamy is unnatural, but you still love each other. You both have sexual contact outside the relationship, but you can do it without jealousy?

-what if your partner is a T4 paraplegic, and has no sexual function?

-what if you live in a culture where polygamy is normative, like Mormon Utah?

When the other partner doesn't care, and when infidelity serves the higher good of preserving a loving bond, I think it can be morally justified.